A girl with too many thoughts...

Friday, 16 September 2016

First Week At Uni

It's nearing the end of my first week at university and I would be lying if I said I wasn't struggling (like really, really struggling). I wish this post could have started a little more positively, but there you go! It's not like I didn't expect to find this transition difficult. I think it was pretty much inevitable that I would experience a slight 'blip' when starting uni.

So, why is it so bad? Well, for one, I've been waking up every morning feeling very, very sick (and before you ask, no, it's not because I'm hungover). My stomach has been upset every day (which I will not go into detail about). Eating has been a task in itself and I haven't actually had a cooked meal since I arrived, or any real meal for that matter. I've been running on no more than fruit, yoghurt, Weetabix and adrenaline all week.

Another thing that's bothering me? Living in halls. Being next door to loud, drunk, scary teenagers is proving to be very challenging and it's leaving me constantly on edge. Every time the light goes on outside my door, every time I hear somebody come out of their room, every slight sound, is making me jump. Listening to people shouting outside my door at 12am isn't really my idea of a relaxing night in.

The thing I'm by far struggling with the most though, is socialising. That doesn't come as a massive surprise (I do have social anxiety, after all) but it has been a whole lot worse than I had anticipated. I'm constantly self-conscious and overwhelmed being around all of these people and I've only had one-off conversations with people here and there, never to speak to them again. Therefore, I'm feeling quite isolated and cut off right now, which is only making the homesickness even worse. It appears that everyone else already knows somebody or has somebody to walk around with, whereas I am a certified loner.

And, of course, it's wasn't long before a new set of obsessions took hold, just to make everything easier for me. What if I set the fire alarm off and everybody has to leave the building because of me? What if somebody got into my room when I wasn't in and poisoned my milk? What if my next door neighbours are actually murderers who are plotting to break into my room in the night and murder me? What if I get murdered walking to Morrison's?

So yes, I'm finding the whole experience a bit too overwhelming right now and just want to go home. I've decided the best thing for me to do is take the train home for the weekend, in order to be able to think rationally about everything and decide whether or not I'm truly ready to deal with uni and all of the new challenges it brings along with it right now. I'm not thinking clearly here, since I'm just constantly filled with anxiety and dread, so going home seems like the only way to make a proper decision.

On another note, I wrote a blog post for the mental health charity, Student Minds, all about worrying about starting uni and some tips that may help (although, I need to start taking my own advice now). Check it out here!

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