A girl with too many thoughts...

Thursday, 27 October 2016

I'm Sorry

Sometimes I have no words left to say apart from 'I'm sorry'. I spend a lot of my time feeling guilty (I believe this is a common symptom amongst many mental health conditions) because there are a lot of things I feel I need to apologise for...

I'm sorry to my friends for having to put up with me. I'm more than aware that I'm annoying all of the bloody time. I know that I'm irrational, indecisive and irritable. I wish I wasn't but I can't help it. I'm sorry that I'm constantly tired and never seem to have the energy to do anything. I'm frustrated with myself for it so goodness knows why you bother maintaining our friendship.

I'm sorry that I have to use up time and money within health services because I'm incapable of pulling myself together and dealing with life by myself. I know that there's people out there who need and deserve it more than me.

I'm sorry to the people who are really suffering from things beyond their control. I know that I have the 'perfect life' and have no real reason to be this way.

Most of all though, I'm sorry to my parents for turning out like this. They say parents like to see their children grow up to be happy and successful, and I don't seem to be either of these things. I'm sorry that you still have to pay for my entire life because I can't function enough to hold down a job. I'm sorry that I probably seem like a spoilt brat because I'm snappy and rude often. I really do appreciate everything you do for me even though I don't deserve any of it.

I want to change. I don't want to be like this. I want to be a better person and I'm sorry that I'm not.
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2 comments

  1. Reading this was if I was reading my own words. Thank you for this. We are not alone after all.

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    1. I'm glad that you could relate, although at the same time I am sad to hear that you sometimes feel this way too! It's not a nice way to feel, but you are right in that we are not alone in this. Lisa xx

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