A girl with too many thoughts...

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Life Update: Eating, Feeling Low & Exhaustion

So it feels like tons has happened over the past month or so. I started uni, I almost dropped out of uni, I decided to stay at uni, I made friends, I started having a good time, I was happy for about a week, everything was going great. Then things got a little wobbly.

The past week and a half has been...challenging. My mood is really low and I'm not sure why. I'm absolutely exhausted all of the time, so I doubt that's really helping. I just think all of the anxiety and stress of starting uni is starting to catch up with me and now that I've relaxed a bit, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

I don't even know how to explain how tired I am. It's not the kind of tired that sleeping makes better. It's like my entire body feels heavy and I just have no energy to run off what so ever. Most of the time I feel like I'm floating around in a bit of a daze and just dragging myself from one place to another - I'm never quite 'with it'.

It's really frustrating because I'm supposed to be a student having a great time. Instead, I feel like I'm about 80 years old and would be more suited to living in a retirement home than student accommodation. 

I mean, it's not like I don't know why I'm feeling so physically drained. I've spent over a year now depriving my body of adequate amounts of food and forcing myself to become an unhealthy weight. It's funny though because when I was restricting I didn't feel this worn out, but now that I've started to increase my food intake I feel like I have less energy than ever (surely it's supposed to have the opposite effect?).

Everything feels impossible at the moment and what's worse is that my new uni friends don't really get it. They comment on how I'm tired all of the time and walk slower than them and blah blah blah, but when I try to explain that it's because my body isn't in the healthiest state right now because of my eating disorder, I think they think I'm just making a fuss. 

But then, how can I expect them to understand? They weren't there earlier this year when I was really unwell because of my weight and couldn't get up stairs without getting out of breath (I've been starting to feel like that again recently to be honest).

I just need some advice from somebody who's been there. If anybody at all reading has recovered/is recovering from an eating disorder, did you feel worse when you initially starting eating a healthy amount again? How long did it last? Did it effect your mood? DOES IT GET BETTER?!

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