A girl with too many thoughts...

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Going At 100mph

I go through phases where I am completely unmotivated and uninspired - I feel empty. Like these past few days, where I haven't bothered to do much apart from lay in bed all day or sleep the afternoon away. I don't feel like talking or thinking much and I'm very distant, mostly just staring into space rather than actually focusing on what is around me.

And then, in a matter of hours, I switch. I'm the opposite to this. Suddenly, I feel hyperactive. I'm talkative, I'm full of motivation, I have a drive in me to get things done which was practically non-existent before. My thoughts are racing and I have no control over them, constantly jumping from one idea to the next. They aren't necessarily negative thoughts, just thoughts. But the whole process of feeling unable to slow down is anxiety provoking in itself.

Constantly jumping from one state of mind to the other is exhausting. Not knowing how you're gonna be from one day to the next is exhausting. I feel I can't plan ahead because it's impossible to predict which person I'll be on that day: the depressed Lisa or the super energetic Lisa. The last few days I've been in a bit of a slump. Today, however, I'm unable to stop thinking. Thinking about what I could be doing. Thinking about what I need to do. Thinking about all the things I want to do in future. Just thinking! I feel like I'm going at 100mph. I am restless. Even if my body is not physically moving, I feel I can't stop.

I just can't think straight when I'm like this, because my mind has already gone ahead and moved on to the next thing before I've even gathered my thoughts together myself! I'm struggling to even write this blog post because while I'm writing this, my brain is wondering off and thinking about endless other things at the same time. I lose where I am in what I'm saying - my brain is one big jumbled mess of thoughts.

Feeling like this has its physical effects, too. My head hurts, literally as though it's spinning. My neck is all tense and sore. My eyes feel heavy. I think sleeping is the only thing that's going to make this feeling go away...

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