A girl with too many thoughts...

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Time Away from University

I mentioned in my previous post that I was currently experiencing what I can only call a relapse of my mental health issues (although, does it count as a relapse if you've never really recovered?). I'm particularly struggling with my anorexia (it still feels odd to say that I suffer from anorexia) and this has caused my health to decline pretty rapidly over the last month or so.

I also mentioned in my last post that I was facing somewhat of a dilemma as to whether or not to return to uni after spending a few days at home and realising just how bad things had become. To sum up: I did go back for one week, where I attended appointments with various medical professionals. They suggested that it may be best for me to take some time out of university to focus on regaining my strength. 

At first, this felt like a pretty big deal. What about my accommodation that I am paying a bucketload for? Will I keep owing money until the end of my first year, even though I'm not living there any more? What about my degree? Can I continue with my studies even though I won't be attending lectures? What about my friends? Will they forget about me because I'll be too far away and won't see them for months? 

Despite these anxieties, I knew deep down that I wasn't well and urgently needed to take a break to focus on my health - so that's what I did. I moved back home last weekend and don't intend on living away again until the beginning of my second year (around late August/early September). I'll still be studying for my course as normal, but I live too far from my university to commute and therefore will have to access the lectures online and self study.

I don't quite know how the next few months will pan out. What I do know, though, is that I'm fed up of being too exhausted to socialise with friends. I'm fed up of feeling light-headed every time I do something that exerts the tiniest amount of energy. I'm fed up of being so spaced out that I can't focus on anything for any considerable length of time. No longer do I want to deal with dry, cracked skin, purple nails, weak muscles and chest pains every day.

I'm viewing this time away from university as a chance to properly attempt recovery. Things have been very up and down with regards to my mental health throughout the past few years, but I've never reached a place where I can say I'm content with myself and my health. I want this to be the turning point where I can say things finally started to change for the better.

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4 comments

  1. You're doing the right thing! You and your health comes first. I only wish I did this in my second year. I'm meant to be in my third and final year but I've had to take a leave of absence due to my mental health. The only thing is, I'm not sure I'll ever return now. If I do, I think I'll have to transfer to a different uni which is closer to home so I can live there.

    Again, you're doing the right thing and I wish you a well recovery :)

    Ayaan // Girl Lost In Transit
    x

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    1. Thank you. It's reassuring to hear somebody say that I've made the right decision, as I often worry I'm going to regret moving back home for these few months. Partly because, like you, I keep questioning whether or not I'll actually go back. I too have considered transferring to a closer university so that I can spend more time at home. You're right though; at the end of the day, our health is the most important thing. I wish you the best in your recovery also. :)

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  2. I think taking time away will be good for your recovery. You have to focus on yourself & university will still be there if you ever feel like taking courses again. But remember, you don't have to if you don't want to. Start with yourself lovely! xx

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    1. Thank you for your comment! That is very true, health is the most important thing at the end of the day! :) xx

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